"People have to decide to make a commitment to each other and then they should be prepared to make an effort in order to make things work."

No together time. If you never have time to have fun (and sex) together, trouble is looming. For a relationship to grow, you need to do more than wash the dishes together or change nappies. You need to do things like go away for weekends (sometimes without the children), go to the movies, see friends together and sit down and have adult conversations. If these things are not happening, your relationship could be in static mode and the next time you see your spouse, he or she might be enjoying themselves – with someone else.

Opportunity for straying. This is a big one. Are you creating an opportunity for your spouse to get involved with someone else, by never being available when they need or want to see you? Did you refuse to go to the last three staff functions to which your spouse invited you? Are you quite happy if your spouse spends evening after evening doing things without you (This does not include the odd night out with the boys or girls)? You could be creating an opportunity for someone else to make a move on your partner. After all, you're not around anyway, so why not? Cultivate some joint interests and some joint friends. Make the effort.

No communication about sex. Talking about sex is difficult at the best of times. When you feel that there are problems that you would like to discuss, it makes things even more difficult. But communicating about sex and sexual needs is essential if you want to have a healthy marriage. It is also important to communicate new ideas, or thoughts about your changing sexual needs. There's no getting around this one. If you don't find a way to do it, your marriage could find its way onto the endangered list.

No shared interests. If you have no shared interests, cultivate some. Find something to talk about, other than the house and the children. You need to do something together on a regular basis outside the home – whether it is playing bridge, going to the gym, taking part in a pub quiz, a book club, joining an athletics club. Anything. As long as you are doing it together. If you share no interests, it doesn't take a genius to work out how easy it would be for a third person, who did share interests with your spouse, to wheedle their way into your marriage.

No 50/50 contribution. If one partner is slaving away to keep everything going, and the other one is glued to the TV on a more or less permanent basis, trouble is in the air. Contributions to the marriage need not be in kind – if one of the spouses brings in 75% of the money and the other does 75% of the housework, it does cancel out. But if one person does the lion's share of everything, it is only a matter of time before he or she starts feeling unappreciated. An ideal scenario for a third person to make an entrance on centre stage.

All work and no play. If you are doing hours and hours of overtime, it could be killing your marriage. If it's only for a week or two, it shouldn't be a problem, but if it stretches into months, your marriage could be heading for skid row. Spouses need to spend lots of time together – quality time is just as important as falling asleep in front of the TV together. If work is taking over your life, you have to ask yourself what it is that you are running away from. And no, except for short periods of time, it is not usually about the money. Better time management could also often result in less time spent working.

Domestic drudgery. Keeping a household going seems to be a never-ending task. Dishes, laundry, dusting, tidying, minding the kids, cooking – does it ever end? If one person is doing too much of it, it could spell problems for the marriage. These tasks need to be shared and done together. Who wouldn't rather go to the movies than do the ironing? Or pick up the kids' toys? If tasks are not shared, one person could quickly start feeling used, unappreciated, overworked and resentful. The scene is set for someone else, who does make your spouse feel appreciated, to make an entry. Or, if you are both working fulltime, consider getting in an extra pair of hands – even if it is once a week.

Why do people have affairs?

The more detailed reasons for affairs are too many and various. Here are some of the most common reasons most people suggest:

• anger felt towards the partner, with a need, whether recognised or not, to hurt the partner
• some say their intention was to make their partner jealous, though it is seldom clear how this would be expected to have any desirable outcome for either of them
• an unwillingness to resist any new opportunity for emotional or sexual involvement. This is sometimes given the profitable but bogus diagnosis of "Sex Addiction", though it is not at all an addictive process or responsive to normal treatments for addictions. "Sex addiction" is an excuse for not choosing to exercise self-restraint.Throughout life we are faced with tempting opportunities for brief enjoyment at a total cost that makes it foolish to indulge in them.
• some explain an affair by saying that they no longer feel "in love" with their partner, or that they have "fallen out of love", or "grown apart". While maintaining a loving relationship may require effort and work, if there ever was real love, it can be regained and extended, so long as the task isn't merely abandoned.
• some speak of sexual incompatibility, though if a couple were ever sexually compatible, this would only change due to illness, physical or psychological in one or both of them.
• some feel that if their partner has been unfaithful, they themselves are somehow entitled to have an affair, too. Yet generally, one does not feel that stealing from a thief is a noble or justifiable response.

How do affairs develop?

The process typically passes through several stages, and may stop at any one of these, or proceed into a full-blown affair. In the first stage, one simply gets to know another person, and to form an initial emotional connection with them. One shares time with them on social or work opportunities, one talks more about each other's personal lives, perhaps provide each other with emotional support, and perhaps you start mild flirting.

In the next stage, the relationship deepens, and you mutually decide, maybe even without saying so out loud, to keep it a secret. You feel it's now the sort of relationship you wouldn't tell your spouse about, or tell most friends. Now a boundary has been crossed, and you are no longer merely friends or colleagues. You may start to have fantasies about the other person. Somehow, secret relationships are more arousing and seize your attention far more. Remember stolen waters are always more tastier than your own. Then though you may officially still insist you're "just friends", you find increasing numbers of excuses to meet, more often and for longer. You start to be far more vigilant and cautious not to let others realise what is happening, though close friends may start to become suspicious.

And then the relationship becomes more intense, and sexual as well as emotional. Feelings of excitement and pleasure become mixed with guilt, and it gets much harder to hide the fact that something has changed.The truth about affairs is that the price to be paid is too high that its not worth having them. No matter how clever you can do it eventually you will be exposed, so why continue?

Think of Hell, Your family, Your salvation, your life is it really worth it ?

"I am a 35 year old brother dying of Aids. I would like to share my testimony with you. I am an owner of one of the largest IT Companies in SA. I own a 2006 Jaguar coupe and I also own a 5.5M beautiful home in Waterkloof, PTA. I have a beautiful lady who is deeply in love with me and a loving family. But most important, I have Jesus. This is just a wake up call to all single brothers and sisters, who are professing to be Christians, but don't want to be complete.

Brothers, I had a beautiful young lady who loves the Lord and worships the ground I walk on. But I still wasn't quite happy because sometimes I would see another sister with a Coca-Cola-bottle shape and just wanted to hit it. Because I was using a condom I thought that I wouldn't catch the Killer "Aids" But guess what? I did.

And the person I caught it from was a girl that I knew well. But the condom came off and now I am dying of Aids. Yes, I wore a condom. But yes it did happen. God gives us time after time to straighten our lives up. I do know the Lord in the pardon of my sins.

I've been saved now for 7 years. I found out 7 months ago that I had the virus, and now I have full-blown Aids. And I want you all to know that I have never been with another man. I really didn't think that I was doing anything wrong, because I would tell the women who I would deal with about the woman I love.

I thought that was good enough. But it wasn't. I am a good man and also a God-fearing man; but my weakness was women. I really wasn't out there like you may think I was. But every once and a while I would see something I wanted to try.

My girlfriend and I were sexually active, but rarely would we do IT. She is a praying woman. But I think she was intimate with me because she loved me and she wanted to make me happy. Now I've given AIDS to the woman I love and has been faithful to me because of lust.

Brothers and sisters, what I am telling you is that God is tired of us hurting each other and using each other for self gratification. God has given me my home, my dream car and a beautiful woman and I took it all for granted. I've been tithing for 7 years. I am the chairman of my Deacon Board. But when I told my Pastor I had AIDS, he could not believe it because of the way I would carry myself.

Brothers ... if you have a sister who loves the Lord and who loves you for who you are and not for what you look like and not for what you have, cherish her. Sisters ... if you have a brother who loves the Lord, love him and cherish him.

My life has been altered. I've been with my lady since I was 20, and I've always used my young age as an excuse for not being loyal and not settling down with the woman I loved. I was being a hypocrite thinking that I was missing something, and not realizing that I had a good woman who loved and adored me. I wish I had been a real man and had appreciated the good woman God had sent me by not making excuses and dedicating my life to her.

“I would love to travel and marry this beautiful young lady but now I can't. I've embarrassed my family, my church and my friends. But I was hardheaded and now I must suffer. God is cleaning up .”

Stop playing with God. God is revealing the secrets of us Christians. Brothers and sisters, we don't have to have so many "friends," you know what we call them."The ones we are planning to sleep with but haven't yet.

We often say that we don't want anyone to know our business,but God is about to reveal some things. Especially us young people. We think so carnal. But we say that we have been transformed. We have been transformed from what we want to be transformed from.

Let's be real. God knows that the opposite sex attracts us. And he knows the desires we have for each other, but we don't have to have multiple partners. If I could do it all over again, would marry the woman I love and live happy forever. But now I can't! But you can!

Singles... I gotta tell you, it's not worth it. I love you all! Get rid of casual sex. And fight to prevent lovemaking (fornication)! This is really deep. After you've read this, think about yourself. Could this have been you? Some of you may not relate, but think about anything you are doing right now that is not of God. You may not have anything to do with premarital sex or a sexual affair, but sin is sin and everything done in the dark shall come to light.

Professing that He is Lord, and yet worshiping the devil every chance you get will led you to the same path as me.

Sex for those who are saved must be with your OWN wife or husband. That includes necking and petting, touching, oral sex, phone or Internet sex, and even fantasizing. Get your mind out of the gutter and put it in the Word of God and you'll have great success. Don't and you'll have great woe.

I have also learnt that forgiveness does not cancel out the Consequences, at least not so far. But that's on me. Still, the Lord is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Thank you for letting me share my story with you.

I'm telling it like it REALLY is to help somebody. Without Him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things.

Phil 4:13, Let our love for Jesus be real. I ts definitely not worth it being a luke-warm Christian , get up and lead a good life for you are the salt of the earth , without salt, the food is tasteless, without you, who do you expect God to use to change the World.

Thinking your driver's licence is not real. Somehow men just don't see your driver's licence as being quite as valid as theirs. Often, they would prefer to drive the whole way – even if it's 1 500 km – rather than asking you to drive for an hour or two. Point is, percentage-wise, women are involved in far fewer accidents than men are – ask any insurance company.

Assuming the house cleans itself. This is a big one. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but no, wet underwear does not remove itself from the bathroom floor, food does not miraculously appear on the table, or in the fridge, clean and ironed clothes do not get into the cupboard by themselves and the dishes don't clean by themselves overnight. Someone does all these things. Who do you think it could be? Could it be the other person in the house who also has a nine-to-five job? Wouldn't it be nice to wash the dishes every now and then without expecting a Nobel Peace Prize for doing it?

Being jealous. It drives women away when men treat them like awaiting-trial prisoners, whose every move is under scrutiny. When men do this, it's about their own insecurities and their fear of rejection. When a man treats a woman like this, isolating her and accusing her of all sorts of things, he is showing his fear, not his love, and exhibiting what he thinks is his right to treat her like a possession. Most women find relationships like these claustrophobic in the extreme.

Putting their mother on a pedestal. Right, every woman has her bad and good qualities, but he thinks his mother is directly related to the archangel Gabriel. Your cooking, housekeeping skills, social skills, whatever, always fall short in comparison. And any criticism you express of this wondrous creature makes him look as if he's just been kicked in the teeth by his best friend.

It's win, win, win, all the way. Life, according to men, is one long competition, in which there are winners and losers. Women tend to be more co-operative and conciliatory by nature. Being fiercely competitive obviously has a place, but not when you're playing Ludo with your ten-year-old nieces and nephews.

Assuming their spending is necessary and women's wasteful. The subscription to the golf club is essential – more essential than toothpaste. Many men – there are fortunately exceptions – have no idea what basic household necessities cost. These days it's very easy to spend a thousand rand on unromantic household necessities like coffee, toilet cleaner, dog food and cereal. The cost of food has spiralled in South Africa in the last year, and it's not your partner's fault. She is not wasting money on luxuries.

Rather committing hara-kiri than asking directions. So what's the deal here? Is a man expected to know all roads leading everywhere, even if he's not been there before? And what would happen if he stopped and asked someone instead of driving in circles for 45 minutes? Instantaneous combustion? A public whipping? Instant castration? Surely not, but the prospect, for some reason, is as daunting. Almost as daunting as going to see the doctor about their foot that's starting to look gangrenous.

Wanting to fix things, instead of listening to you. You've had a bad day – the twins had diarrhoea, the domestic worker didn't arrive, but what did arrive was a hefty bill from the Receiver of Revenue. All you want is a sympathetic ear and a pat on the back and a tissue or two, and what do you get? Suggestions about medication, an offering to fire the domestic worker and the telephone number of his tax consultant. OK, that's kind, but it's not what you wanted. You wanted a shoulder to cry on.

A thing of beauty forever. Men, who have gone completely bald and who have a beer belly that would have won them the Ventersdorp Mr Boep competition if they had entered, assume that all women still find them attractive and flirt with them accordingly. What's more, they notice an extra three kilos on their wives – and comment on it. Whatever happened to what was good for the goose, being good for the gander and all that.

This is not a standard women-bashing article. This is just an effort to pinpoint those things in women that men find terribly irritating.

Moaning Minnie. No man feels like getting involved with someone who constantly moans about everything – from the weather to the movie to the driving of other motorists. It's hard enough to stay positive, but with such a negative barrage coming from your date for the evening, you might as well have stayed home. It would have been more cheerful anyway.

Mood swings. Everyone has days on which they don't feel like a barrel of laughs, but if someone goes all silent on you for hours or days without being prepared to tell you why, this can be a real turnoff. And all of this because you can't read her mind. (If you could, you'd be set up somewhere wearing beads in a caravan and making a fortune.) Imagine if you hit any real problems – what would she do if this is the way she reacts because she feels miffed by your choice of movie?

Talking about exes. Unless a woman is actually on her first date ever, she's sure to have some story to tell about an ex. She shouldn't. Men do not like hearing endless tales in which exes get trashed. They do not want to hear about exes. Point blank. If a woman talks about an ex-boyfriend all evening, she's obviously not over him yet.

Control freak. Most dates/relationships require a certain amount of compromise. But a man does not like it if he's always the one having to compromise. Neither does a woman, for that matter.

Gold digger. Most men, if they get the feeling that their spouse is more interested in their bank balance than in them, would not take kindly to that. This is the twenty-first century and women should be able to look after themselves and not merely hang around waiting for someone else to turn up who'll pay the bills.

Fashion slaves. "Fashion is something so hideous that it has to change every six months", according to Oscar Wilde. Most men are not very fashion-conscious and prefer a sort of middle-of –the road style of dress for themselves and for the women they date. Someone who won't go anywhere without makeup or unless she's dolled up to the nines in the latest fashion is downright tedious. Most often the girl-next-door look is just fine.

Sex is holy......